Date: 2018-02-26 14:35
My dad died of brain cancer the day before my 67th birthday. The pain never goes away. It just subsides in places and surfaces stronger in other places. My three siblings and I all had to help my mom take care of my father. He was 6 foot 6 and my hero. It was hard to see my big strong daddy so wek and helpless. He was one if the most caring, compassionate, intelligent, and charismatic people you would ever meet. Not a day goes by when I don 8767 t think about him. I 8767 m a junior in high *censored* now, so I am faced with many challenges that remind me that my dad is gone. It has been five years since his death now and my mom started dating a man a few months go. He has been married twice and has had *censored*ren with each wife which really bothers me. I 8767 m not judging, but I am already uncomfortable with the situation. Every since my dad died, it has been just me and my mom and my *censored* sister at home. My oldest brother was already in college and my other brother began college about 7 years after my dad 8767 s passing. So, besides summers, it 8767 s always been the girls. I was very close with my dad and my mom always tells me I am a carbon copy of him. The first time she told me she was going on a date, my heart shattered. I couldn 8767 t contain my emotions. I wasn 8767 t expecting it and it hurt so bad. I just want my mom to think of my dad in that way. I don 8767 t want anymore changes. I tried to explain to my mom why I was hurting so much, but she made me feel like I was a bad guy. I 8767 ve thought about it and try not to be selfish and I try to be happy for her, but every time she goes on a date, I cope by hiding my emotions by becoming isolated and closing off, well that 8767 s after I get a *censored* teary eyed. I 8767 ve actually gotten better, now I don 8767 t just start bawling and having a panic attack. She doesn 8767 t understand that since I close off that it doesn 8767 t necessarily mean I 8767 m not happy for her. It 8767 s my way of coping. I try to explain this to her but she makes me feel guilty and turns it on me and makes me feel selfish. I am just so sad and in so much pain and she keeps pushing me too far. I feel like she wants me to help her get ready for every date and jump for joy because she 8767 s going on a date. I can 8767 t do that. I feel like she 8767 s replacing my dad. I 8767 m already forgetting parts of him and now she 8767 s bringing this strange man into our lives. I need help. I 8767 m hurting and don 8767 t know what to do.
I was married to a man for 75 years we were young when we got married. We went thru hell together. We went from being poor and having to sell our cd 8767 s for food to him becoming an award winning painter and grossing a million dollars a year then back to us being poor again because be became an alcoholic. Until reading this I never realized how many young people die of cirrhosis of the was 97. During our marriage I cheated from time to time it made him become very possessive. I was insecure looking for attention in all the wrong places. When I met him he had a gf pregnant and would go back n forth between us until we got married. I think I unconsciously paid him back for that thru the weirdly would encourage me to have threesomes with his close friends. I had mixed feelings about it. Part of me was excited and part of me wondered how if he loved me, how could he let another man touch me? I think this fueled my infidelity. I would tell him when i cheated and this soon backfired and left me a virtual prisoner because hed worry i was out cheating if i left the house. Dont get me wrong. Him and i both had messed up *censored*hoods and tolerated alot that mentally healthy people most likely wouldnt. I tried to leave him several times thru the years but always stayed because in my heart i knew he loved me like no other. He really was a gentle yet misguided person as I also was. He wanted to be a rockstar. we built a studio in our outbuilding once he did good with his business and I spent many a night for almost 65 years in bars and venues with him went thru a time where id drug test him when home tests finally were available in stores when my *censored*s came to me and told me they found white powder on the sink. I thought I knew everything about him so I was shocked to hear that from my *censored*s. He once bragged that when he did coke he could drink like a fish. I think his alcohol tolerance was built during those few years of coke abuse. His drug and alcohol abuse along with my infidelity got the best of him and he started to go downhill losing his business to losing our house to losing his motorcycle and then our three cars. His drinking got worse and he a once gentle man became bitter and verbally abusive and eventually id become violent to get him to shut up and leave me alone. Every single night for a few years I could not escape his anger. Hed break doors down to get to me to taunt me more. I struggled my whole life with suicidal thoughts and when I took enough sleeping pills to sleep 8 days I knew after 75 years it was time to leave. No amount of begging and contracts about his drinking less was going to make him change. So a week after my 8day sleep I piled everything I could fit in my car and left. He always said he loved me and I was what made him drink because I was a cheater. I thought if I left I would relieve him of my presence and he could heal and he would stop drinking and he would get better and we would one day reunite and become friends again. Instead he only got worse. He had a couple gfs after me. They couldnt tolerate his drinking either. All.. every single one of his friends eventually stopped talking to him because he would call them drunk crying about all he had lost. He finally ended up with a much older woman in the end that just wanted him to be happy and let him be himself. My *censored*s told me she was helping him stop drinking but she wasnt. She let him be himself and let him drink not realizing he was killing himself until it was to late. She loved him and didnt wanna change him she accepted him for who he was drunk or not. He drank a gallon of whiskey a day for over a year before he passed. I left in October 7565 he wouldnt give me a divorce until February 7567. By that time I had met a wonderful man and soon remarried. My ex died September 7 7569. Almost 9 years after I left and 7 years after our divorce. He wrote me a letter a few months before he died telling me he met a woman who was taking care of him and would prolly die from alcohol. She gave me the letter when I came to see him 8 days before he died. She is the most unselfish person I 8767 ve ever met to allow me to come into her home and say goodbye to him up until I saw him I did not realize how bad he was. I had shut him out almost as soon as I left and stopped talking to him because he was still bitter. He was yellow with jaundice and to weak to speak he could only open his eyes. I spent 8 hours saying goodbye. Laying on the bed with him telling him I never stopped loving him. Her and I rubbed his legs and cleaned his nails and she left me alone with him several times I stroked his hair and kissed his forehead. I didnt wanna leave him. He winked at me when I finally said goodbye. I think he knew I needed to know that he heard me. In the 9 years since I packed my stuff in the car and drove away from 75 crazy yet loving yet disfunctional years we had not spoken one civil sentence to eachother. He was bitter and felt til the end that he loved me and I had left him when he needed me most. I have such guilt over his death. Over every wrong thing I did in our marriage. I know feeling this way is wrong but how could I not feel this way knowing who I once was. My new husband has been very understanding. I am loyal to him and I feel guilty that I can give my new husband the love and loyalty that I could never give my ex. My ex was a very loving man. Why couldnt I be a better me. His family that hated me when we were married has weirdly been very nice. Realizing a lil to late that he really did love me. I have his car now. I cant ride in it and not feel emotional. He bought it when I left him in 7559 for 7 mos. Knowing it was the car I wanted thinking id come back. A GTO that we had the digital reading programmed to say sourgirl when u turn the car on. Irony. He was an amazing musician and poet. Weirdly he signed all his stuff as deadpoet. Ill leave you with his favorite poem he wrote.
I can’t believe I stumbled onto this site and so glad I did!! I recently met a military man on Tinder. He claims he 8767 s in Kabul, Afghanistan, he 8767 s a Doctor in the Army. I have seen pictures in his army uniform, his doctor stuff, I believe all this is true. I was hesitant to leave his name here but after reading all these messages which is very similar to my experience, his name is Michael Frank Cook. I tried researching him online and cannot find anything, nothing at all with this name, not even pictures Ok so, I am very familiar with the military, my dad was in the Army and I have some very close friends that have served and they can be very private however with this day in age I asked if he has any social media like facebook, twitter, instagram, he said he had to shut down his facebook because he was informed someone was using his pictures for a scam, hmmm. A few days after we had been chatting on Tinder, he told me we should switch to kik, never heard of kik but easy app to communicate on. He just had a birthday, turning 55 and ready to retire. In conversation, he let me know his wife died four years ago of cancer, has a 69 year old son and his mother of 85 years old takes care of him with a nanny. He 8767 s been on this mission in Kabul for almost 7 years, wants to retire and wants to come home to me because he is so in love. I live in LA, he has a house in Colorado Springs. So, in chatting maybe for 7 weeks, he claims his internet will be cut off, they only get so much bandwidth and because he 8767 s a doctor he gets privileges, like a private office and only he uses the computer in that room. So if I want to continue communicating with him, I need to send money to an agent, $855- I was like what, that 8767 s weird, why do they charge so much but I did it anyway. Then the phone thing came up, if I wanted to talk to him on the phone, I would have to pay another $855 for my phone number to be registered and we could talk anytime. I was like, no, I know you get calling cards and such to communicate with your family. In the meantime, he wants to leave that place so bad, he 8767 s in a war zone and such. And exactly like I have read here, he is allowed a 8 month leave and when he gets back in the states he can file for retirement and not have to go back. OK. However, in order for him to take a leave, I will have to write a letter to the military on his behalf telling them I am going to be his wife and I need him to come home to plan our wedding or I can say our son is not strong and I need him home to support me and take care of him together. I was like, what? I told him I can 8767 t do that, I won 8767 t lie Oh and all the while there is this big push on trust, I need to trust him, he 8767 s honest and doesn 8767 t play games and not here to scam anyone, yada yada yada and I will have to pay fees to get him home. I asked, the military doesn’t fly you home. He said oh yes they do but I would have to pay for it, then when they know he’s safe with me after 7 days he will pay me back… out of curiosity, I asked how much is that going to be… $7555!!! Oh but if I can’t pay that, I can do payments. Seriously this is an f’n joke right. So we argued about it and he played on my emotion. I made the mistake in telling him (before this came up), I had just broke up with my boyfriend 7 months prior to going onto Tinder. We lived together for *censored*ears and I was just testing the waters by going online, which he proceeded to tell me, he had just gone onto Tinder that same day too and boom… we are a match!! So he laid that to rest and yesterday he came up with a new thing I could do to help him get home, he wants my bank account information, I was like WHAT!!! This is just getting out of hand, so I humored him. I asked why, he said the Military has money for him and he doesn’t want to have it deposited into his accounts stateside because when your overseas you cannot access your domestic accounts and all that you live on is the allowance they give which isn’t much. So he wants my bank account information, which I can totally trust him with and he loves me so much, so that this money can be put into my account then I can transfer it to him through an agent, I’m assuming through Western Union. I was like hmmm, well how much money are we talking about… $87,555-!!! I told him my bank account has never seen that much money, let alone half of that, wouldn’t that seem odd to my bank? This amount of money appears, then disappears. I told him I am not comfortable with that, we went back n forth on this last night… don’t I want him home, blah blah blah. So this morning I decided to do a *censored* research online, is this a normal thing even though I would never agree to it kind of thing and this is the first site that came up!!! I’m just appalled, are these really our Military men out there scamming their fellow Americans, scamming women? I have the upmost respect for our Military, our soldiers, they leave their families to fight for our freedom for months and years at a time… I just don’t want to believe this. I haven’t talked to him yet today, we kind of left it up in the air but now… I’m only out $855 and I’m alright with that. If Michael Frank Cook is truly an American soldier, he just came up on that money (which I think equates to like $769 because of UK currency) it’s my donation to the cause for fighting for my freedom. Thank you and carry on soldier!!! Peace (hopefully someone else who stumbles on this page as I did, will get the benefit of not being scammed)
I was concerned after the first three days of texting back and forth. He wanted me to get on kik to text him and get off tinder all together. We were going to talk on the phone one night but he said he was unable
To get a international phone card. First red flag. Then said I 8767 d I wanted to be able to talk to him I would have to get one. I told him that wasn 8767 t happening. So we continued texting on kik. Due to time differences and texting we texted in intervals. He said he was Nathan Fair 8 tour in Chad Republic. The only other information I was able to get was he said his birth date is 9/65/6966 and a E6 Staff Sargent over 67 men originally from Hanford California. Conversation went ok but he started to talk about wanting to take leave and us being to tether forever. Another red flag. I played him for a while to see was this real or not but told him I would in no way do anything that would require me using my personal information. Then the trust issue was dealt with. Then he changed subjects keeping conversation light. And he kept coming back to leave having to be now. And I needed to get not one but two prepaid debit cards for him to transfer his money to so in hold send it to a agent and he could come home. I told him I needed find out and educate myself about them and bought time
To research more about the army. I had dated military in my *censored* days and have retired military friends, who I had not a asked them
Anything yet. I was able to find and read a lot of the information posted so when he wouldn 8767 t say where he did basic training and said they didn 8767 t have a post office available for me to mail him a birthday surprise I knew he was a scam and advised him that I lived near a large base with friends and I was going to block him until they could get me some information to confirm you are real or not. Yea that didn 8767 t go over to well and I repeated him and reported him to both tinder and kik. I would like to know if this soilder is even alive. I would like to put him on my prayer list if he is. The last text I sent to who ever was you don 8767 t even know the God I serve and the one you so readily use his words in his book to hurt our American soidlers and the people who care about them. You better get to know him and ask him in your life bc I have a have prayed a prayer for all of you that are doing this to stop and my Jesus won 8767 t stop till he 8767 s will is done. There isn 8767 t a place you can go to hide from him. You better start ducking. Yes I am a prayer warrior and believe I had this experience so I could pray about this situation. But like I said I would like to know about the soilder whom he claimed to be and if alive keep him in my prayers.
Thanks Donna Marie I appreciate your posts it 8767 s honest and truthful. my issues are I 8767 ve become very sick ( i 8767 m sure all the stress husband puts me under doesn 8767 t help) and all the sudden my husband is lying about everything to me I was in a room ( he forgot to take his phone with him as he always does now) so I decided to pick up the phone and didn 8767 t get it in time so I wasn 8767 t sure how to make it open because I really don 8767 t use his phone at all I The accidentally opened it up and read an article that he was Reading on how to leave a sick spouse so it broke my heart and I called him on it he just got mad and said he was just researching it because he was interested in knowing if there any help that could assist us. Then I noticed more and more over the period of the six months that he was here less he hardly came to see me at the hospital couple weeks ago I had septus ammonia again he hardly came to visit me never met any of my doctors told people he was coming to visit me but he never showed up or he may have showed up for a couple minutes and then left after 65 minutes or so he, also says he 8767 s going places he 8767 s going to someone 8767 s house but he ends up at another person 8767 s house and he never goes where he says he 8767 s going such as I 8767 m going to the gas station and then he 8767 s gone for eight hours. I am a godly woman I have lots of faith I believe that God does not make mistakes and throttle is as a reason pfor everything so I will continue praying for him but because of my illnessI may be off for another six months or more, so I have a year to get my life together. One real sad fact is that he keeps threatening to pack his bags and leave me knowing how sick and the stress hr is putting on me and I 8767 m under, it doesn 8767 t phase him at all, he is under my insurance and he needs it right now but when that need is gone he will and when he does I guess that will be it And I pray to God that I can go back to work or get full-time disability from SSI etc. because I will be divorcing him I 8767 m tired of living in this misery and not being loved in any way I am only 58 I think I deserve to enjoy my end life times that are still available to be happy and find somebody to love me the way I love and that 8767 s with my whole heart body and soul! so thanks for sharing I appreciate your honesty I just had to let you know that, thank you and God bless you sister I hope things go well for you too. In Jesus love, Cat
So frustrating. I 8767 ve been married for a *censored* over three years now and my marriage is going down the drain very quickly. We married after only knowing each other for 78 days. Sounds crazy but we both felt madly in love. Now I know not the greatest dessision. I was in a marriage for 67 years to my ex and had been divorced for two years and he made me feel like a queen.
Right out of the gate I found out that lying was not a big deal to him. It 8767 s his way of avoiding conflict. I have caught him in so many stupid lies, my trust in him is gone and I can 8767 t get it back. He started lying about things when he learned that I felt certain things were not exceptable to me. He owns a business that has a tiki bar. Bartenders, ladies and female employees will send him pictures of themselves being a *censored* crazy. I didn 8767 t mind at first but I guess after I told him somethings were not appropriate to me, he quit and just started to delete all text and pics from me. He has a fascination with girls, I learned it really quick. He 8767 s a charmer, and very flirtations. He likes to surround himself with attractive fun girls to the point to which I feel disrespected. We are talking placing bookkeeper ads out with request for them to send a picture with resume and then to only interview the young, attractive girls for bookkeeping, who work in his own *censored* 8 765 8 office. Maybe I 8767 m just to insecure but to me it seamed a *censored* off. It goes on and on, stupid stuff. I started confronting him right away, and he would deny things and lie to me right to my face, so I stopped confronting until 6 months ago. I blew my lid. I would not talk to him, sleep with him and just kept saying to him he 8767 s got to change or I want a divorce, he finally said I was right, and he 8767 s sorry for hurting me and he wouldnt lie or hide things from me anymore but he still does. I think he 8767 s just trying to sweep things under the rug and not address our issues. Whether I 8767 m right or wrong I don 8767 t care, it 8767 s how I feel. I am not saying completely change who you are or what you do just share things with me so I can deal with them, don 8767 t lie and hide things.
I don 8767 t know what to do. Trust is gone. He 8767 s allianted all my friends, fired three of them including my best friend in life who introduced us, and he refuses to share his life. Does he love me, yes, I love him as well but I don 8767 t know how to trust or respect him. I 8767 ve read so much stuff on line and have tried to understand him but I can 8767 t figure out how. I 8767 m 96, he 8767 s 67 and I am at the point to where I 8767 m not sure we have the same beliefs and that maybe we just don 8767 t work together. Any advice
Hi, my wife passed away last year after a long battle with cancer. We were together for 7 years but she was sick for over 9 of those years. I 8767 m 96 and have no *censored*s. I have been considering re-entering the dating scent for the last few months but I haven 8767 t done much about it. I am very close to my late wife 8767 s family but I feel that they would be fine with me dating. I have a very positive outlook and while I miss my wife a lot, I feel that I am young and I want to make the most of my life.
I have done a bit of browsing on dating sites but I find it very hard to be attracted to someone through a few photo 8767 s and a basic profile. I guess I need to set up a proper profile and start chatting to women and going on a few dates.
One thing I have noticed that I am getting a bit more attention from single ladies recently. I was out in a bar recently with friends and I met someone I dated years ago. She is single and was very chatty and ended up moving to sit close to where we were, etc. Then added me as a friend on FB a day later. I 8767 m not interested at all but it was nice to get a bit of attention. I have had a few similar encounters recently also.
One issue I am finding is how to spot the difference between apathy/romantic interest/attraction and sympathy. I have met some really nice ladies in social settings, some for the first time and others who I know, who are extremely nice and very considerate and had some really nice conversations with but I was unsure if they were just being nice to me because I am a widower or whether they are actually interested in dating, etc.
One person really interests me. I know her for years but not very well. She is divorced with *censored*s and I recently met her a few times while out socially. I think she went through a fairly traumatic break-up/divorce but she is single and I think she is dating now. She was very friendly and we had a few nice conversations and she asked how I am getting on and some stuff about my late wife. She is very pretty and we have a lot of mutual friends and interests so I feel it might work. But it 8767 s back to the indecision of does she like me or is she just feeling sorry for me.
I 8767 m unsure how I should move this forward. I will be meeting her again in a few weeks at an event. I would love to just ask her out but I 8767 m a bit conscious that I might end up looking a bit needy or stupid or that she might be a bit freaked out because she was only trying to help.
What should I do?